My Dead Friend


I lost my cat, Zazzles, over the weekend. She was put down on the Saturday just gone, after being poisoned by something she¬†ingested. Her organs were shutting down, and it was miserable, for her, and for the rest of us. Where we had 2¬†cats, we just have the 1, Sylvia. And I’d like to write this blog airing a few of my thoughts on the matter.

Im happy that she was put to sleep, as part of euthanasia. The selfish side of me wanted to keep her alive a little longer, but the doubtful part of me, the logic, knew that my hopes weren’t gonna happen. You don’t know what it was like. Her fur was falling out, she lost considerable weight. She was a skinny cat to begin with, but she was so fragile. What hurt the most was watching her. She couldn’t walk in a straight line. She was once very athletic, but watching her trying to jump up was a nightmare. She wouldn’t eat or drink. You could tell she was just waiting for death. We let her out on the Saturday she died, believing she’d either go somewhere to die, or be killed. A grim thought, not one to think about, but she didn’t. In the pouring rain, she came home to seek help. It proved that she did love us. But I couldn’t look at her. It was a nightmare. I wanted her to get better, but when she was put to sleep, I was happy. I found solace in knowing she was dead.

This brings me to my next point. VETS ARE TOO EXPENSIVE. We’re only giving her an injection, and then burning the body. Why should it cost that much? Granted, it was off hours. But still, I can go to a hospital at 3am and get treatment for free via the NHS. We pay a couple of 100 pounds to put her out of misery. WHY? Oh, your pet is dying, and to add insult to injury, you pay us a few hundred, and we’ll kill her, and speed up nature’s due course. I personally feel after this ordeal, they do need a national health service for the animals, paid by voluntary tax donations from pet owners, and part funded from charity. THAT is a great idea.

My last point is this. I hate people. I’ve heard this statement multiple times this week. ‘It’s just a cat’. Forgive my language, but fuck you. I don’t give a crap if my parents read this blog post, I own this website, and if you’re offended, go somewhere else. Zazzles was and is a cat. She was my cat. In the 11 month period that I looked after her, she’s helped me cope with things. Yeah, an animal helped me to cope with the morbid stupidity of you people. She didn’t understand anything I said or did, but I don’t think it mattered. It’s like a dog being a man’s best friend. An animal is a best friend. Zazzles was different to other cats. She wasn’t indifferent, she was young and playful. She may have spent a lot of time with me, but a lot of the time, she was running around outside, or in the house. She had a personality to her. And I get offended when people say ‘it’s an animal’.

I must admit, I am more pissed off with the way she is being cremated, with other animals. I know with the private health service for pets, it was cost effective. But Zazzles wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want to be burned with other animals. That is how a Pauper dies, in a mass memorial landfill. When mum told me that, I walked away. She sugar coated it, but I know Zazzles wouldn’t want that. She’d want us to keep her ashes, and dispose of them the right way, at home.

I loved that cat, and I maintain that she was poisoned by someone around her, either deliberately or accidentally. You people are killing animals by leaving antifreeze or pesticides to eat and drink. You are the problem with society. You people kill memories, and relationships. You killed my friend. My dead friend. And I hate humanity for that.

About the author


Since 2012, Benjamin Attwood has written for the If you Ask Ben blog.

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