20 things I have learned in 20 years (that may or may not be useful)


I have done it, friends. I am no longer a ‘Teen’, for I have finally reached the age of 20. The birthday itself went well, a bit quiet and low-key, but I had a bit of fun at the expense of my brother. Over the last 20 years, I have learned a lot of stuff, some useful, and some not. Here are 20 of the things I have learned.

  1. There is a small knob on the bottom of the traffic light button. If you put your finger there, when the light goes green, it turns. This is because it was designed for blind people. I really think that is cool.

  2. The little light in the fridge doesn’t stay on. There is a button that gets pressed in when the door is closed, which turns the light off and conserves power.

  3. The furthest point away from you is the exact opposite end of the globe. Digging from where you are standing will get you there, but most places don’t have any land, so you’ll just dig into the middle of the ocean most likely.

  4. Uncle Ben isn’t a real person. Being called Ben, I will assume the identity. Also, neither is Betty Crocker

  5. My Uncle tells me and my brother outlandish anecdotes of our births, involving monks exploding. It has gotten to the point where he doesn’t even remember the true story.

  6. It takes 9 months to make an episode of a cartoon.

  7. Tapping a can of coke that’s fizzy to stop it fizzing out is bogus.

  8. The story about Russian┬áscientists wanting to create Human-Chimpanzee hybrids is, however, not bogus. However, it was during the 20’s and was not an attempt to create super soldiers, and the scientist in charge was actually exiled by the Communists.

  9. Paul McCartney was said to have died in 1966 and replaced with a look and sound alike for the latter-day Beatles albums. This one is complete rubbish.

  10. Goldust, the professional wrestler, is known for being a very androgynous character. He was so devoted to it, he even considered getting Breast implants for the role. THAT is Darwin Award level of silly.

  11. Freddie Mercury did not have much of a sweet tooth, according to his PA when I asked him a question online.

  12. ITV, the British terrestrial channel, has the full name of Independent Television. This is because the channel was a bunch of regional channels. There was a channel called Granada, which is why there is a Granada Reports and ITV Granada.

  13. We Are the Champions was written while Freddie Mercury was in the bath.

  14. Abraham Lincoln, who freed the slaves, wasn’t really for racial equality, which is a part of history forgotten by most Americans.

  15. LEGO is the world’s number one tire manufacturer.

  16. It takes more muscles to smile than to frown.

  17. Not all dogs are scary. Except the one that chased me when I was 7.

  18. ‘Beam me up, Scotty’ was never used in Star Trek.

  19. If you are going to sell a coin, make sure it is uncirculated if you want any money from it. Otherwise, if its a 50p, I’ll pay you 50p.

  20. Finally, if you’re going to build a locomotive, don’t use a horse to power it.

About the author


Since 2012, Benjamin Attwood has written for the If you Ask Ben blog.

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