Confessions of a Teetotal

C

I have attempted to write about this years ago on this blog, and I don’t think then I could really talk about it with the right tone. As I have ran this blog for almost 4 years now, I feel I am ready to address the issue. I am a Teetotal. Wooooooo. Its not like you didn’t know…

Well, some of you won’t. The definition of a Teetotal is as follows:

‘Teetotalism is the practice or promotion of complete personal abstinence from alcoholic beverages. A person who practices (and possibly advocates) teetotalism is called a teetotaller or is simply said to be teetotal.’

Basically, ‘I DON’T DRINK ME’. How did this develop though, I hear you yell distantly at your computer screen. That, or you wonder where I’ve been. Allow me to tell you a story…15 year old Ben was invited to a Fancy Dress Party of his friend (I will mention no names). I was 15, first party, all that good stuff. But I stuck with what I knew. I had never had a full alcoholic to myself. I was offered one, a Budweiser. And I held that bottle in my hand, and I knew I didn’t want it. I was never peer pressured into accepting it. I just gave it back to the person who gave it to me. As the night wore on, a lot of my companions became really drunk. I distinctly remember another friend going behind the house with a lad. I won’t speculate as to what happened, but I will say this. That is the reason I went home happy I didn’t drink that night.

I initially felt guilty. For what reason? Admittedly, not following the crowd. But It turned around. I was 16 at this point, and the same friend had his Birthday Party. I was offered another Budweiser. And I held it again, like last time, but I gave it back almost immediately. I think its safe to say that was the point I embraced the straight edge life.

When I say straight edge, in the sense that I don’t do Alcohol, Drugs, or Tobacco. And I recently gave up Caffeine too! Not to say I haven’t had alcohol. I have only had one beverage with alcohol. This was Champagne. That was all. I can’t say it won me over. But not bad for a first and only alcoholic beverage.

So, assuming you have no idea what to do with me because I don’t drink. Here’s some advice:

  • I don’t drink. You do. Go and drink. I’m anti alcohol, but I don’t enforce it on you.
  • Any drinking games can be adapted with a bit of imagination
  • I still like going to bars and pubs and stuff. And I will beat you at pool because I am alcohol and  caffeine free
  • I won’t hold your hair while you puke, but I’ll help you get in a taxi.
  • Buy me a Lemonade, or a Tango or something like that (would have accepted a Coke, but I quit coke

Well. That’s that. There you go. You now know my reasoning. And I hope you all convert, or die.

About the author

Ben

Since 2012, Benjamin Attwood has written for the If you Ask Ben blog.

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